She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
