Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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