My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
