Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
