This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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