You don't have asthma, your pregnant
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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