I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
