Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
