We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
