We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
