I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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