WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
