Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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