Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
