So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
