You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
