How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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