did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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