You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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