my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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