I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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