$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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