I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All the doctor said was why
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
