I think I won the penis lottery.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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