i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
