Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
