The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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