Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
