You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
