Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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