like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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