If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
