all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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