new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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