I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
