hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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