he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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