I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
