Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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