didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
