A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
