dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
