I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
