Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
