if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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