Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
