Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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