I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
