Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dicks are not precious.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
