kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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