are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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