Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
