True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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