just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
