the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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