nut hugger
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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