Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
