so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
