Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
