I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
