Your mouth is God's brothel.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
