just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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