My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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