she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
