mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
