i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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