oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize