I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
