I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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