onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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