i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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