I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
